A Hole in My Heart


Just one of those days when I am quiet, and I don’t want to talk

The tears are there, I’m about to burst, I don’t even want to walk

I don’t want to cry because if I start, it may go on all day non stop

What’s the use, it doesn’t help, so again…on the couch…I flop

The days are getting longer, and loneliness doesn’t describe

The pain, heartache, and sadness, that lingers so deep inside

A heartache I can feel in my bones that just won’t go away

There at night when I go to sleep, and back again the next day

I just want to feel good again, is that really too much to ask

To live my life quite happily instead of dreading every task

I just as well go back to sleep, because nothing else feels right

A few more hours in the bed, to add to the ones I slept last night

I’ll take a nap, I tell myself, that will help the hours go by

But I’d rather be doing something with my life or feel like I can at least try

I don’t tell people how I feel, there’s just no way to explain

It’s a hurt no human hand can touch, especially those to blame

The hurt is so deep I shy away, so I don’t get hurt anymore

But again I’m doing nothing at all, alone behind closed doors.

Stinking thinking is back again, my mind’s like a jungle up there

Trying to distract myself from time, wishing for a kind of prayer

A prayer that would reach the heavens above, with an answer on it’s way

Telling me how to get my happy back and live a brighter day.



Why We Cry……….Why do you cry?


Why do you cry?

sad cry

The ”why” of crying may seem obvious and straightforward: You’re happy or sad. But that’s too simplistic. 

Crying is a natural emotional response to certain feelings, usually sadness and hurt. But then people [also] cry under other circumstances and occasions.

happy cryFor instance, people cry in response to something of beauty. The term ‘melting’ comes to mind. They are letting go of their guard, their defenses, tapping into a place deep inside themselves.”

Crying does serve an emotional purpose. It’s a release. There is a buildup of energy with feelings.

It can also be a survival mechanism. ‘When you cry, it’s a signal that you need to address something. Among other things, it may mean you are frustrated, overwhelmed or even just trying to get someone’s attention. Some call this a ”secondary gain” cry.

On top of that, crying may have a biochemical purpose. It’s believed to release stress hormones or toxins from the body.

Lastly, crying has a purely social function. It often wins support from those who watch you cry. Sometimes, crying may be manipulative — a way to get what you want, whether you’re asking a friend to go shopping with you, your spouse to agree to a luxurious vacation, or your child to get their math homework done.

crying manipulative

Adapted from: http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/why-we-cry-the-truth-about-tearing-up

By Kathleen Doheny, Reviewed by Louise Chang, M.D.

Next: “Crying Out Loud: Who’s Most Likely?”

How to understand your response to trauma (part 6 of 8)


How to understand your response to trauma (part 6 of 8)

What can I do to help myself?

  • You and your loved ones must understand that you may well have a very intense need to discuss the traumatic event repeatedly and in much detail. This can be a natural part of the recovery process as you struggle to integrate the experience. If this proves to be too upsetting for your loved ones, or if you feel you cannot talk to them about parts of the incident or certain feelings that you have, then you may need to find other confidants (e.g., mental health professional, minister or support group), who can understand and tolerate such a need.
  • Sometimes it is helpful to write down your memories of your traumatic experience, or to keep a journal of what you are going through as you recover. Sometimes it is helpful to look at photographs or other reminders of, or to establish a memorial to, someone or something that is lost. Tears can be healing. Give yourself permission to feel all your feelings, even those that don’t make sense or go together.
  • Strive to identify the “triggers” for your reliving of the trauma so that you can better predict and ready yourself for upset rather than being taken by surprise, which only adds to your sense of alarm. Allow yourself to lean on others a bit when you know something will be difficult.
  • Be extremely cautious about your use of alcohol. Many people who have experienced trauma try to control or diminish their symptoms with alcohol, only to have their drinking compound their problems.
  • Strive not to isolate yourself more than briefly. Even if you do not feel like actively relating to others, find ways to be in the vicinity of others. Occasionally, you may need to withdraw for a day or two to “regroup” and come out again.
  • Remind yourself that your reactions are real and expected reactions to trauma, rather than evidence of personal weakness. Remind yourself that it will take patience and effort to recover, but that you won’t stay stuck in your worst feelings. Remember that you can’t make yourself recover quickly by sheer force of will. Give yourself the latitude to have good days and bad days. “Trauma” means “wound.” Deep wounds take time to heal, even if you do everything you can. (cont…..on page 7 of 8)

Understanding your response to trauma (part 5 of 8)


Understanding your response to trauma (part 5 of 8)

How can this all be just “in my head?”

It’s not. Researchers have demonstrated that exposure to severe trauma often results in persistent alterations in bodily functions. For example, levels of several neurotransmitters in your brain may be affected by trauma, which can contribute to your symptoms. Trauma can render parts of the brain overactive or underactive, also contributing to your symptoms. Disruption of your sleep cycle after trauma may also contribute to your symptoms. Your baseline level of arousal, as measured by resting heart rate and blood pressure, may be persistently elevated after trauma.

How might my family be affected?

When something traumatic happens to one person in a family, often everyone is affected. Different people’s trauma reactions may vary considerably. It may seem that some are “over” or “under” reacting. Often this is because one person is in a period of being benumbed while another may be in a period of over-arousal. Family members often experience changes in their world view or a spiritual crisis of their own. They may also have intense feelings of guilt, anger, or sorrow about what has happened to you, which can sometimes make it difficult for them to be helpful to you.

Why am I so upset about the responses of others?

Unfortunately, the police, the justice system, reporters, medical personnel, the clergy, and others can respond to you in ways that compound your feelings. This is sometimes called “secondary trauma” or “secondary wounding.” Ignorant, patronizing, impatient or insensitive responses of others may leave you feeling ignored, blamed, or treated like a child. Even well-intentioned loved ones who care for you and are eager to see you recover may respond to you in ways that compound your feelings. Sometimes your upset about such reactions from others may seem worse than the trauma itself, or you may become very preoccupied by it. Remember that sometimes people may avoid you or even blame you because they don’t like to be reminded that bad things can happen unpredictably to good people. (cont….on page 6 of 8)

Understanding Your Response to Trauma (Part 1 of 8)


The following is from an article I read about stress, anxiety, and trauma.  I am sharing it with you all in the event that you, or someone close to you has suffered a trauma, or multiple traumas.  I was reading about this to help me understand my own confusing responses to the severe trauma of the last year and a half of my life.  I will divide the article up into EIGHT posts (1 per day), so that it will be easier to read.

With that said, I will begin.

What is a traumatic event?

Among the many stressful events of living, we can be faced with extraordinary circumstances that leave us feeling terrified, powerless, and/or horrified in the face of threatened or actual injury or death. Examples of traumatic events may include:

  • natural disaster
  • catastrophe caused by human error
  • catastrophe caused by failed equipment
  • physical or sexual assault; rape
  • robbery/mugging
  • serious motor vehicle accident
  • witnessed violence, injury or death
  • combat, torture or imprisonment
  • threats of harm to self or loved ones; stalkings
  • domestic violence and physical abuse
  • fire and burn survivors
  • destruction of one’s home
  • life-threatening illnesses and treatments

How do we usually respond to a traumatic event?

Sometimes immediately, and sometimes after brief or even extended delay, most of us will experience intense feelings and symptoms related to the traumatic event. Not every person experiences the same aftermath to the same trauma. However, you are likely to bounce back and forth between periods during which you relive the trauma and other periods during which you are benumbed of feeling and avoidant of any thought or reminder of the traumatic event. This is entirely normal. This normal, acute response to trauma is not called “post-traumatic stress disorder” unless it is persistent over time and does not gradually heal.  (cont….on page 2 of 8)