Tonight, (well 3 a.m. actually) I am, once again, having a one person slumber party, as opposed to just good old slumber.
Could it be the ice cream and decaf that I had before I went to bed? Or the dinner at 9:00 p.m. that consisted of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (because I didn’t want to eat anything ‘too heavy’ at such a late hour)? Or maybe it was the bedtime blog post about a very intense situation earlier in my day? Or could it be because I’m being treated for a sleep disorder too? Orrrr just all of the above.
Either way, here I sit at 3:00 a.m. on my couch, laptop in front of me, wide awake. Just suddenly woke up – stone cold awake. Eyes wide open. As I tried desperately to go back to sleep, tossing and turning (with no success at all), I decided that I must be cold. So, in utter frustration, I jerked the heavier than dirt comforter really hard to cover myself thinking, “Eureka! I have found the problem! I must be cold!” …..until I hear my husband groan because I had grabbed the wrong end of heavier than dirt comforter, and I was actually jerking the covers off of him, waking him up too! “Poor guy”, I thought. It’s a wonder he gets any sleep at all sleeping next to an all night wiggle worm having a one-worm wiggle worm slumber party.
The only thing is, this is NOT a slumber party people. Slumber parties, last time I checked, were about having FUN! This is NOT FUN. Then I began to get a little upset. My husband is NOT a “poor guy”! He has immediately gone back to sleep! I, on the other hand, have not. What is wrong with this picture?
So, I just laid awake thinking and rethinking about what I’m thinking. What do you think I’m thinking about? Of all things, I’m now thinking about an obsession I feel coming on about getting up to write about not sleeping! Oh yes, it’s a full on obsession now. And I am now irritated that I have to keep looking up how to spell the word “obsession”! This is CRAZY! No, I’M not crazy, but a serious lack of sleep can make a person FEEL crazy – I think. Well maybe I won’t have to find out. That would be nice. Yes, that would be very, very nice.
At this point, I am becoming increasingly undone and beside myself. I now throw the heavier than dirt comforter off of me and I promptly launch myself out of bed (another great middle of the night idea -NOT) to rush over to my computer, because I now have this “great idea/obsession” (that CANNOT wait until morning), to write about not sleeping since I’m not sleeping anyway. Is that a run on sentence? Anyway, do you get where this is going? It’s going nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. The dogs are snoring. THEY are sleeping, and I am not. My HUSBAND is sleeping, and I am not. As far as I know, the WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD is sleeping, and I am not. No, the WHOLE WORLD is sleeping, and I am not.
Aha! This is the dreaded, middle of the night, “stinking thinking”; and now I know that I will most likely not be going back to sleep.
As I am obviously not in my wise mind right now, I have seriously convinced myself that God should have made our brains with an ON/OFF switch. For real! God has the best ideas ever! Why oh why didn’t he think of that? A simple on/off switch. It could have been SO great! Is that too much to ask? So simple for God. He’s God!! He could have at least made us a switch. I mean, it could be something as simple as touching the tip of our nose, or tugging on an ear lobe! It’s not rocket science for God! But God probably doesn’t need a switch, so maybe he thought that we didn’t need one either. But HE gets to be God. He doesn’t HAVE to sleep. People are not God, and they NEED to sleep. God is the one who made me that way – to NEED sleep.
Oh, wait. Now it’s God’s fault??? OMG, I’m actually getting mad at God now??? OHHHH, this is waaay wrong. HE isn’t the one who ate ice cream and decaf late last night after a 9:00 p.m. “dinner” of peanut butter and jelly. HE wasn’t the one franticly blogging before bedtime. And He wasn’t the one watching TV before bed either.
Now my stomach is growling. Why is my stomach growling? I ate dinner (and dessert :/) really late, and I should NOT be hungry! I AM NOT going to the refrigerator! No I am NOT! “It is not good to eat in the middle of the night. It can make a person gain weight”, I tell myself. Never mind the fact that eating ice cream and decaf and peanut butter and jelly late at night can also make a person gain weight.
But, I AM awake, so why not just make this an early breakfast? No no no, if I do that, I’ll probably want to go back to sleep – with another full stomach – and then, when I wake up again later, and I’m hungry again, what will I eat? Breakfast again? Lunch? Dinner? I’m so confused. Maybe I should eat nothing later because I feel so guilty about eating again now? It’s 3:00 a.m. What am I doing? What is happening here?
Welcome to the world of insomnia and sleep disorder. I truly have had this issue since I was a young child. But as a child, I just learned to deal with it somehow. Our parents didn’t take us to the doctor back then for insomnia. Heck, that word wasn’t even in my parent’s vocabulary. No it was not. My parent’s solution was to yell, “Go back to bed!” And that was that. But as you get older, you DON’T ‘just deal’ with it anymore. Unfortunately, it deals with you. And there you have it.
BRB, I’m starving and I’m headed to the fridge :(.