Bobby’s Heavenly 33rd Birthday – “Looking Back”

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Birthday in Heaven

Today, April 14, 2017, is Bobby’s Heavenly 33rd Birthday. Our only son. I miss him being here on earth. Heaven seems so far away. I can’t visit there. If I’d go, I’d have to stay. God’s not ready for me yet. 

My thoughts….

I – “The Hardest Day”

Bobby lost his life on May 31, 2013, trying to save others. He died a beloved hero.

Bobby loved his job as a firefighter. He knew the risks, and he went for it anyway. He always had a servants heart and he was a very hard worker. He survived 2 tours of duty in Iraq before coming home to become a firefighter. It seems unfair to have survived a war in a foreign land, and to come back home to be taken, in the end, by a deadly hotel fire. 

II – “Siblings”

Bobby was the only boy amongst our 3 girls (plus myself), and he always felt outnumbered. Well, he was! But if any one of his sisters ever really needed something, he was there for them. They might have knock down drag out fights, but when it counted most, he was there for them. 

Lauren was 10 years younger than Bobby. He thought she was SOOOO cute. He loved it when she said and did silly things. He got such a kick out of her. I would tell him not to laugh if she said a bad word, or got certain phrases wrong (ie. New York Yankers), but he could not help himself. He was only 10, and at 10 years old, I guess that was funny to him. The more I told him not to encourage her by laughing, the funnier it became to him. I get it. I too have a younger sibling. What goes around, comes around, so don’t make fun of your siblings. 🙂

Bobby had a close relationship with Liz.They were only 18 months apart. She would draw the line with him, and he knew not to cross it. He tried it – once. He never tried that again. When she “set a boundary”, she meant it, and he knew it. Their bedrooms shared a wall. At night, I would hear them knocking on the wall from one bedroom to the other. As it turned out, they were “talking in code”. They had a special code word for goodnight. So sweet. We still use that word today. 

As children, Bobby had sort of a love/hate relationship with Nicole. She was 6 years older than he. She had to babysit him a lot because I was a single mom and I couldn’t be everywhere at once. When he got upset with her, he would yell at her, “You’re not the boss of me!” He gave her a very hard time when she needed to correct him because, well, she wasn’t his mom. But when Nicole needed some money for college, he gave her all he had – $50. No one asked him to do that, he just did. It was his heart, and she was in it.

III – “Math Whiz”

Bobby knew the value of a dollar and he worked very hard at saving. He was the only one of the kids who was able to save his money. When the girls were broke (almost always), they visited the “Bank of Bobby.” He gladly gave them a lone, but only if a proper interest rate was negotiated in advance. 😉 Smart boy.

Bobby was good at math even as a little boy. As I’ve mentioned before, when he was 6 years old, and I was trying to divvy up lunch money in the morning for the 3 of them (amidst all of the chaos), he would quickly take charge of all the coins laid out on the bed, and divide them into thirds quicker than I could blink. He never had trouble with his “math facts”. Never.

IV – “Reconciliation” 

Even though Bobby struggled with different things and with us parents as many teens do, I always knew he loved me. He would slip notes under my bedroom door a lot of times to say “I’m sorry” for misbehaving, and to say that he loved me. I would tell him that I forgive him, and we’d work out what he could do differently next time. Although it was difficult at the time, I treasure those sweet notes now more than ever before. 

IV – “Goodnight Sweetheart

At bedtime, when Bobby was about 14, I would say goodnight to Bobby and send him off to bed. A few minutes later my bedroom door would crack open. There was Bobby with his head poked through the crack, smiling, and singing to me – “Goodnight  sweetheart, goodnight, wherever you arrrre!” He had a very good singing voice. I would say, “Goodnight”. A few minutes later, he was back – “Goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight, wherever you arrrrre!” Me: “Goodnight Bobby.” Just as I was falling off to sleep, he was back – “Goodnight sweetheart goodnight wherever you arrrrrre!” Me: “Goodnight Bobby! Go to bed!” Bobby: “Ok, goodnight. Love you.” Me: “Love you too Bobby.” ❤

V – “Looking Back”

I love looking back and seeing that picture in my mind of Bobby poking his head in my bedroom doorway and singing. I wish those would have been the days of “selfies”. I still remember what Bobby’s voice sounded like at 14. You know, that age where a teen boy’s voice gets crackly and deeper? That was it. It still makes me smile. It’s one of my favorite memories of him.

At the time of Bobby’s serenades, in a very rowdy household (4 teens and a blended family), all I wanted him to do was go to bed so I could get some sleep for another rowdy day. But look now, how special it is, that God left me with some of the best memories of him ever. There are more, but this is all for now.

VI – “Love You Forever”

Now I say to Bobby, “Goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight, wherever you arrrrre!” 🎶 

Happy Birthday in Heaven my sweet boy.  🚒 💙🇺🇸 Sadness over the loss of you is here to stay, but my memories of you will never go away.

My 61Birthday Surprise Party with Friends

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9/25/15 – A very good day 🙂

Soooooo……I have to tell y’all, I had my very FIRST Surprise Birthday Party EVER last night!!! My first real (and surprise) Birthday Party!! EVER!! Secretly, I had always dreamed of one (he had no idea)
, and Harold Green gave that to me yesterday. I am truly blessed.

As a child, I never had even 1 birthday party. My mom (and I love my mom) would go get a prepackaged cake from the grocery store. She’d come home, plop it on the table and say, “There’s your birthday”, and leave the room.

Last night’s celebration was the REAL DEAL (as you can tell by the clothes I was wearing, and my crappy hair) LOL! I laughed so much while I was there that I feel like I have a “hangover” this morning – a sober one of course wink emoticon

It was also a very healing experience at the same time. It was so awesome to feel the love of everyone there for me, loving on me, just for being me! 💗

Thank you Harold Green for always treating me like a princess. You really know how to celebrate me with such generosity, kindness, and love. I love you so much!

Ok – Here’s living proof of my FIRST Birthday Party with friends! (Surprise!!)

Thank You Jesus! heart emoticon Another blessing smile emoticon

Jane Perkins Nilsson Courtney Green Billy Free Harold Green Tina Adams Randy Adams Ximena Suarez Donna Lee Lozano

P.S. They spelled my name wrong, and I was so excited for the party, I never noticed!

I wish ALL of my friends could have been there, but I found out afterwards that there were only a certain amount of seats available. heart emoticon heart emoticon heart emoticon I missed you though!

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The Little Things

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IMG_1251-Edit-2Have you ever wondered if God cares about the little things? After all, He’s God. God does BIG things right? He’s God! He flung the stars into the universe! He made the sun, the moon, all of the planets. He created man. He created each and every animal one by one. God is God – He does big things! We can probably all understand this right?

But what about the little things? Why would our BIG God care that you failed a test, or you had a bad day, or you just couldn’t get a handle on your emotions one day. It may seem a bit odd that He (The Creator of the Universe) would take the time out of His busy day to concern Himself with the “little things”.

There is good news my friend. The Bible says in Luke 12:7,

“Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

Think about this: God doesn’t sleep! He is up 24/7 working on things that may concern you.

Let’s not judge whether God cares or whether or not his concern is based on the size of your worry. That is not EVEN an issue. God does most certainly care about the “little things” in our lives, because He cares about us, and because we love Him.

Compared to God and His glory, our whole lives are made up of those “little things.” Psalm 139:17–18 says,

“How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them, Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I am awake, I am still with you.”

Wow!

I love this Scripture too. Psalm 138:8,

“The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.”

Here is a recent example of these “little things” in my own life, that just happened to me yesterday.

Yesterday would have been my only son’s 30th Birthday. This was (sadly for me) his first Birthday in Heaven. My son Robert was a Firefighter, Station #68 in Houston, TX. He died a tragic death in a hotel fire on Highway 59 along with 3 of his Firefighter brothers.  Saddest day (and year) of my life.

Most days, still, I feel like I don’t know which end is up. I think I have to control things. I wait for the other shoe to drop. I never know when I may have a random meltdown, etc. Heck, I might even cry over a broken nail, depending on what else may be going on at the time. I tend to forget that I do not have to concern myself with these things because God is behind the scenes working them all out.

So, yesterday, on Bobby’s Birthday, the tears and sadness overwhelmed me. I only spoke about it to my husband, no one else. I felt like an open wound that just had salt poured all into it. It hurt – a lot! I couldn’t make it stop hurting. I cried, I wrote poetry, I watched TV, I played on my iPad, I pet the dogs, I soaked in the tub, etc. I did everything I could think of just to distract myself from the fact that I was facing Bobby’s first birthday, with the realization sinking in, that for sure I would never again see or hear from Bobby ever again on this earth. I truly was in a deep dark pit. By this point in the day it was almost time for bed.

About that time, my sister Suzy, pings my husband telling him to go look in the mailbox because she had sent something to me. Now, keep in mind, he usually checks that mailbox regularly. But this time, it had been a while. So he checked the mailbox, and sure enough there was a “Get Well” Card from Suzy. Never mind the fact that the recent major surgery that I’d had was already a week an a half ago, it just made my day! I SO needed some love. It was sort of like finally getting a band-aid for that big boo boo, you know?

Well, also in the mail was a package from an old high school friend, Betty M. (whom I have not seen since high school – only speaking through FB). When he handed me the package, I then recalled that my friend, Betty, had asked me for my address a while back. I had forgotten all about it. BUT God didn’t forget. And remember, there are no coincidences with God.

I opened the package and this is what I saw. Two of the cutest little Firefighter’s sitting in the palm of God’s hands.

Sent to me by my High School friend, Betty Mallet :)

Sent to me by my High School friend, Betty Mallet 🙂

Also inside was a very sweet and touching note to me. Betty spoke of how she was cleaning her mother’s house one day before putting it up for sale. While going through the things she’d packed away, she opened up these two little boxes. She found the little Firefighters inside, and it made her think of me (she had heard about Bobby’s story). In the note, she said that she thought that I might have a special place for them! Oh Man!

Do you see the Hand of God all over this??? God used a friend from high school (whom I have not seen or spoken to in over 40 years except for Facebook), to be the hands and feet of Jesus to me here on this earth. Not only that….who knows how long that precious package had been sitting the mailbox? And then, look how God used my sister (who knew nothing of Bobby’s birthday yet) to prompt my husband to go the mailbox that night – at that moment. Who knows how long her card had been in there also?

Through all of the anxiety, all day long, I had not even cried out to God! BUT GOD, was paying attention to every single little thing about me to make sure that these “little things” happened in just the right way, to affect just the right outcome, at just the right time! ONLY GOD can pull this stuff off!  He’s seldom early, but He’s never late!

The Bible says in Romans 2:11, what He’ll do for one he’ll do for another. God cares about my “little things” and He cares about YOUR “little things” too.

We are ALL God’s favorite.

Just wanted you to know. XOXO