A Pity Party

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A Party of One

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“Pity Parties” are no fun; they are only held for a party of one.

One in a room all alone with their thoughts.

Fighting a battle that doesn’t need to be fought.

Today is a hard day.  I don’t know why.

I certainly didn’t go looking for it. I just want to cry.

Something just happened and I didn’t get my way.

Felt rejected, saw sad pics, heard sad news today.

Asked for what I needed, and didn’t get it.

Here came the tears. Felt like a child, now quit it!

Out of control. More tears. Hard to stop.

Too focused inward. That’s the problem I’ve got.

This isn’t a place where I want to be.

How did I get here so suddenly?

A moment ago I thought I was fine.

I’ve got it!  I don’t feel well!  It’ll get better with time.

It’s just harder on days when I don’t feel my best.

Ok, I’ll go with that. I’ll read, write, or take a rest.

That’s what I’ll do. Take special care of me.

“Pity Party” over.

No more self pity.

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A Birthday Tribute to the BEST Father-in-law EVER!

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Harold Sr. birthday

Happy, Happy Birthday to this great man here you see,

He’s best known to our family as, our loving “Grampa Green”.

He journeys around the world both near, far, and wide,

He travels to and fro like the rising of the tide.

Such a kind man he is, with so much of himself to share,

He seems to go about his days without a single care.

One would never know, that in his life, he’s been through so much,

He takes it all in stride, with his usual mellow touch.

He’s always there to greet us, with a huge smile on his face,

I always enjoy welcoming him, when he comes to visit our place.

Dearest Grampa Green, whose hugs are just THE BEST,

Even when he’s super tired, he will never give you less.

As all of you can see him, with his big Green family smile,

He makes you feel at ease and want to sit and chat a while.

I hope you live forever, because I don’t want to be,

Here on this earth without you, and your precious face to see.

XXOO Forever,

Your daughter (in-law)

Cydnee

Our Family Tree….as we still do grieve

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Sometimes grief has a very ruthless way, of tearing loving families apart,

I never the least bit suspected, that this is how our grief would start.

After our only son, Bobby, died, and the funeral was all said and done,

My 3 adult children kept to themselves, like they were the only ones.

Like the only ones who suffered a loss, that was truly too much to bear,

We as their parents were left in the cold, like none of them even cared.

They’re still so angry and bitter, and it’s somehow directed at me,

I cannot figure out to save my life, what happened to our family tree.

I know we’re not the only ones, who lost Bobby’s precious face,

But why separate themselves from us so willingly?  It’s just such an awful waste.

I know that as humans, we all do grieve, in each our own individual way,

After we lost Bobby in a huge tragic fire, I just wanted to die that day.

Firefighter Robert Garner - Station #68

Firefighter Robert Garner – Station #68, Houston, TX

Then to lose all the girls directly after that, my life was in complete disarray,

How they can all 3 rewrite history, and then refuse us the time of day?

When our children are not at their very best, they sometimes read things into what we say,

I just don’t want to grieve alone, with my children and their love at bay.

It’s hard to know their thought process, when we gave them all we could,

Seeing them be so unkind right now, perhaps giving them so much wasn’t good.

I don’t need them to kiss our feet, or be with us all intertwined,

When they were little they were so sweet, but now our love is not returned in kind.

They have each other to grieve with, and they have each other to hold,

To leave us stranded, out by ourselves, just feels so unloving and cold.

I’ve always told them, always, that I’ll love them no matter what,

It’s sad to see the haste they had, in slamming their doors tightly shut.

Maybe sometime soon in fact, or out in the future one day,

They will let Jesus soften their heart, and they’ll come home in their own way.

Until that awesome day does come, we’ll be right here awaiting,

They’ll always be our little loved ones, hopefully, next time  appreciating.

Appreciating us as their parents, at the very least for giving them birth,

Appreciating us even as a human beings, who do have their own self worth.

God loves us as the parents we are, He loves all of us the same,

We could not control that Bobby died, how are we now the ones to blame?

Children honor your parents so that all will go well with you,

There is no reasoning with them – adult to adult – so what is a parent to do?

“Her children shall rise up and call her blessed”, Proverbs thirty one – twenty eight,

Having planted that seed when they were very young, it seems to have carried no weight.

Train them up in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart…,

We didn’t raise them to be bitter people. What is this unrest in their heart?

They seem to have no concept, of all the time that’s passing by,

The months and years could all be wasted, by the hateful devil’s lies.

I hope that one day they feel in their hearts, Jesus’ total love,

Jesus Christ Hugging Girl 2

To treat their parents with any less, must surely sadden God above.

We’re the only parents they’ll ever have, I hope they don’t wait too late,

By then our lives might be no more, then with us they won’t be able to participate.

We are definitely parents, who’ve made mistakes, for sure along the way,

Is it reasonable for them, to imagine, that a life of silence we should pay?

There is no one who is perfect, Lord knows they’ve made mistakes of their own,

To harbor such ill will toward their parents, seems to come from a planet unknown.

For it has been over a year and a half now, and as parents, we’ve changed a lot,

But because they choose no contact with us, they truly know us not.

This last year has been so sorrowful, and an unbearable revelation to me,

Who knew all of these angry sentiments were brewing, beneath our family tree?

As parents, we gave them all we had, even when we ourselves had none,

We always tried so hard with them, so our family would stay together as one.

Why do they hold resentments deep inside, instead of letting them out?

As long as they stay so out of touch, they may never completely sprout.

How can anyone begin to think, that one has knowledge of it all,

Then behave like a devastating tornado, in such a violent squall?

I hope one day they’ll have some peace, even if we are not here to see,

For them to have love and fulfillment on earth, is still very important to me.

We love them so with all of our hearts, this all came as such a shock,

To have such little respect for their parents, just hurts around the clock.

We never saw this coming our way, not even in a million years,

We just have to some how let it go, and let God catch all of our tears.

I know that God is with us, and He is with them each day too,

I hope the day comes very soon, when they can show love like they used to do.

These, are of course, rhetorical questions, that I don’t expect an answer to,

God will reveal all in due time, as I’ve learned, He will always do.

Our hearts go out to others, who may be suffering from this too,

All I know for sure for sure, is that God will always see us through.

Sometimes we just have to turn each day, our sorrows into laughter,

The joy of the Lord will keep us going, both here and in the hereafter.

 

“Lord please heal our family tree, it means so very much to me”

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Bright-Eyed Boundaries

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I’m bright-eyed for tomorrow, as I observe my boundaries today,

It’s crucial to honor my physical space, without pushing others away.

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Psychological boundaries are important to me, honoring my values, beliefs, and thoughts,

To choose what I put into my own mental space, is something that cannot be bought.

My personal space is mine to keep, and I don’t have to give it away,

It’s okay if others don’t understand, who knows, maybe they’ll figure it out someday.

boundaries - personal space

If someone in my life is around me, with their emotions all over the place,

I don’t need to ‘take them on’ as my own, as distress it will surely create.

There are certain people who can listen to me, AND show me that they care,

There are others who try to “fix me”, or sometimes they’re just unaware.

As I get to know myself more and more, I learn what I’m willing to share,

I give myself time to discern these things, as to who, what, how, when, and where.

My spiritual self is essential to me, and my God is always there.

No matter what anyone else believes, it’s good that ‘I know’ He cares.

I respect in others their spiritual beliefs, as they are not mine to judge,

Choosing to share mine, is my decision to make, and not try to get others to budge.

All of the aspects of myself, are as precious as they can be,

I fully embrace all of who I am, as it’s positive and good for me.

You see?

Dr. Seuss - You are youer than You

Live in the Moment

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I’m so thankful to be “Here” now, “There” wasn’t very much fun,

There” was where my tears flowed, till the setting of the sun.

Here” is where I get to play, where my thoughts go to and fro,

There” was where thoughts took me hostage, refusing to let go.

Here” is where I’m loved, for being myself, inside and out,

There” I didn’t feel lovable, and almost always had self doubt.

Here” is where I meet the people, I know that I can trust,

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There” is where I was on my guard, as self preservation was a must.

Now” lives in the present, not yesterday or tomorrow,

Swirling thoughts in my mind all at once, had brought me so much sorrow.

Now” is all I’m promised, marching to the beat of my own drum,

Now” lives in the moment, it determines who I’ll become.

Now” is where my truth is, it’s where I live to be,

It’s what God says about me, and the truth will set me free.

Everywhere” is a combo, of both “Here” and “There” and “Now”,

Everywhere” only God is present, and to Him we all shall bow.

No matter where I go “Now”, to try and get out of a jam,

Everywhere” I go, I can assure you, “There” I am.

Communicate with Love

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To communicate with others, it must begin with love,

One of God’s commandments from high on up above.

You may have, a very good point, that you would like to make,

It’s just so hard to hear you, when you come off so irate.

Loving communication is the key to understanding,

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If you want others to “get it”, then you can’t be so demanding.

You can catch more flies with honey, the wise ones always say,

Speaking out of anger, just turns folks the other way.

There is a time, and a place, where you can just “let it fly”,

Those feelings that you’ve stored up for so long, down very deep inside.

Choose your words very carefully, because words – DO – hurt,

Be not swift to open your mouth, and just let – things – blurt.

Before you speak, remember, “a gentle answer turns away wrath”.

God said this for a reason, likely to enlighten your path.

Today is the day to communicate with love, this you surely won’t regret,

You reap what you sow, the Bible says, why not put it to the test?

“God is not a man that he should lie”, of this I speak the truth,

YOU can learn to do this, even if it wasn’t modeled in your youth.

No excuses 🙂

Just Let it Roll

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I can seclude myself from others, in a nice little comfy hole,

Or I can leap and trust God to catch me, open up, and let it roll.

Lying just beneath the surface, let all the truth be told,

Tears are easier to let go of, than they are to staunchly hold.

When God made me just rest assured – He did not break the mold,

There are many of us still grieving, yet another departed soul.

We all deal solemnly with our grief, and in so many different ways,

Some of it slowly goes away, and some of it lingers and stays.

“Don’t let it out! Don’t let out!” I hear the devil say,

“Once it starts I promise you, it just won’t go away!”

“Shut up devil! Get out of my life! You’re nothing but a liar!”

 Listen to you – you evil thing? The one who was cast into the fire?”

Little by little as life goes by, I slowly keep letting off steam,

Like a pressure pot that steadily simmers, until it’s ready to come clean.

Do not worry, the Bible says, the deep grief, is NOT here to stay,

I do believe that this is so, no matter what other people may say.

People only know what they’ve been told, or what is true for “them”,

Let not their careless unmindful words, leave me hanging on a limb.

I just put one foot in front of the other, and go forth day after day,

Soon the weight will begin to shift, and will go the other way.

Days turn into weeks, turn into months, turn into years,

Every step of the way I know, that God is catching all of my tears.

He catches them in His hands, He doesn’t miss a single one,

He records them in the book He keeps, as His day is never done.

Can you even imagine a God so big, and who truly cares so much?

If He only had some skin on Him, so I could feel His loving touch.

But “Where is Got at times like these,  I surely need his help!

After all, I’m only human, I can’t do this by myself”!

I rest assured He’s by my side, and that He’ll never ever leave,

He’s standing by as close to me, as the very breath that I breathe.

Let It Roll!