Never Give Up

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There’s nothing like a child, that is closer to a mother’s heart,

I was there from their conception, and I never thought we’d be apart.

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My children’s young lives were complicated, as it was often filled with strife,

So out of my control at times because, as a child, that was also MY life.

As a kid I knew that the things that happened, were surely just not right,

I swore back then, that when I grew up, I’d seek change with all of my might.

When I grew up, I married a sick person, familiarity drove me that way,

After severe abuse for 14 years, no longer could I stay.

I didn’t know how or when or what, that I could even do,

To get out on my own, learn healthy ways, and start our lives anew.

To turn things around and make them right, I would do whatever it took,

As the only parent in the house, it was a whole lot harder than it looked.

From the time my kids were little, where they had witnessed my abuse,

It was there they learned to disrespect me, as they were constantly confused.

I tried my best to protect them, but I didn’t always know how,

I had never had a proper role model, and I was totally on my own now.

I sought out help for all of us whenever and wherever I could,

It was very difficult, to say the least, but I so wanted our lives to be good.

Being a single mom back then, was harder than I could ever have known,

But I wanted the children to have a better life, one they’d be happy to claim as their own.

They all grew up with problems too, of one sort or another,

Countless doctors, groups, and prescriptions later, they still had disrespect for their mother.

I knew that doctors, prescriptions, and groups, was not the only way to grow,

We finally got ourselves into a church, where we’d be taught by the Holy Ghost.

We all got into recovery and church, therapies, and all the rest,

However the disrespect still lingered, and although better, things were still a mess.

I felt that the way that I’d been raised, was as close as one could get to hell,

I wanted so much more for my kids, and I knew that very well.

Seems no matter how hard I tried, nor to how many therapies we went,

At the end of every day, disrespect still lingered, and I was completely spent.

This went on for years, until the days, when they left home one by one,

Not a one of them showed any gratefulness, for all of the things I had done.

Abandonment and longing for them, I still feel every day,

But one thing that I do know for sure, God’s with us every step of the way.

I keep the faith that one day soon, we’ll all be reunited,

When that day comes, I believe for the best, and that new healthy relationships will be ignited.

No matter what happens in our future, I know one thing for sure,

God is “The Great Physician”, and He is happy to provide a cure.

P.U.S.H. ~ Pray Until Something Happens 🙂

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6 thoughts on “Never Give Up

  1. Oh Sweetheart! I have goosebumps for I understand how you fall into what is “familiar” even though you hate it. I understand how hard it is to undo abuse, how hard it is to change dysfunction to Love, how hard it is to survive and keep your sanity. I know. I understand. First I had to heal me. Then it was teaching those around me NO those actions are no longer tolerated. That does not go over well at all. I had wanted better for me when I grew up, and darn it, that is what I shall do to my very last breath. And finally, YES you can count on God. Without Him, I would not be alive. You are in my Heart and in my prayers. I am so very proud of you! Love, Amy

      • Sweetie, so am I! I seem to have disrespect all around me, and I just keep standing my ground, saying NO! you do NOT speak to me like that. One in particular, no one stands ground with him, everyone allowing his bullying. Not me. My other neighbor applauds me, and she like me, won’t tolerate disrespect either. We cheerlead one another on, righting wrongs, calling a wrong to the rightful ear, and so on. I seem to live in “Abuse Center” for it is in every direction I look. I know how challenging it is to not only see the dysfunction in self, and to correct it, but to stand tall when others act as they have been taught. I wrote an article, “Respectfully, Clematis” and it is all about one of my neighbors again, mocking me and how I stood up to her and what I said. Nope. The abuse stops with me! I saw as a child, and as a child I vowed to change it. Unfortunately, the subconscious brought to me what I learned, and over the years, I have been transmuting dysfunction into Love. Welcome to my World, Sister! I recognize yours for it is mine!!! (((HUGS))) Amy

  2. We used to go to “Tough Love” support groups. They said something I will never forget….”Taking a stand precipitates a crisis”. Every single time, this statement has proven itself to be true. But stand we must.

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