Grief – “The No Judgement Zone And Boundaries”

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No JudgementLet this right here be the “no judgement zone”.  Whatever the words or feelings are – that come from within us – are VALID! When other people don’t understand our “timeframe”, or our journey, it’s sometimes because they have not walked in our shoes.

Then there are others……The words they speak to us, actually say more about them than they do about us.  It’s up to us to learn this.  Never, ever, should we feel ‘depressed’ or ‘judgmental’ toward ourselves (or of them).

I always say, “What others think about me is none of MY business”.  Even if others are more than happy to give you their opinions about you (or about what you say or do) – that is “their” opinion. Leave it with THEM.

And furthermore, (gently spoken here), we are not “mind readers”.

So we should not assume that we know what “they are thinking about us”. Sometimes we just have to validate our own selves because other people – friends included – may not be able to do that for us. That is about them, not about us.  But it is up to us to learn the difference.

Among my many friends, some are “safe” to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with, and some are not.  Does that make them less of a friend?  Of course not!  Do I set healthy boundaries regarding how much I trust that person with my emotions?  You betcha!  Is that weird?  No way!  Again, they’re called “boundaries”.

We will also learn that some people will honor our boundaries and others …umm …not so much. They are who I call “boundary busters”.  I like to believe that they just don’t know better yet.  People tend to do what they know, or what was modeled for them somewhere along their way in life.

The Bible says to choose your friends wisely as in Proverbs 12:26.  So I choose very carefully who I allow (especially) into my innermost circle.  In my case, it’s not as many people as those who are in the middle and outermost circle.  Some I keep my emotions more at more of a distance to some, and others not.  

Imagine that your emotions (inside of you) have 3 circles surrounding them/you:

  1. innermost circle (closest to your heart)
  2. middle circle (a little further out), and
  3. outermost circle.

Imagine that I can move friends/people around within these inner and outer circles however and whenever I see fit (as to protect my emotions).  This makes sense to me as people do change, and I do make new friends from time to time. No explanations are necessary when you set your boundaries in order to keep yourself peaceful. My body is a temple.  My job is to protect, nurture it, and keep good boundaries around it.

This is especially important in times of grief over a loved one. Nurture your soul, and protect your peace.  God’s Word says to follow peace, as in Hebrews 12:14.

So there – the very Creator of the universe Himself has freely given you His permission.

Protect your peace!

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